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Sun, Jan. 21st, 2007, 08:39 pm

Found a good site: MyFoodDiary.com

Costs around $10 a month, but totally worth it (my dad pays for mine)! Its a lot better than FitDay and those other free online ones. It is soooo awesome!

You can easily track nutrition content. Good for Canadians who find the other ones too American (can never find Canadian foods on them).

You can track weight, measurements, body fat %, exercise amounts, and more. It gives everything in really great charts to track progress. Also subtracts the amount you burned with exercise from the amount you consumed. It tells you how many calories you have left for the day in order to properly reach your goal.

It also tells you if today was a good or bad day and what you did right or wrong. Mine tells me that I'm not eating enough...lol.

Thu, Feb. 23rd, 2006, 11:15 am

So, last night, after I got all mad at him when I left for work...he came over, to keep me company while I do my homework. He always pulls through. Always redeems himself. Mind you, he didn't know I was mad at him, only that I'm really stressed out. Oh well.

I did really well on my eating yesterday, I stayed under 800, though my blood sugars were dangerously low...I held strong, I didn't even pass out! Today is going good too. I had a piece of toast for breakfast and was so full that I couldn't even think of having anything else! Lunch is a 1/4 cup of non-fat cottage cheese for protein and a chunk of lettuce and a tomato salad.

I just had a test. I'm failing. I can't concentrate enough to study. I left a whole bunch of answers only have done cause I couldn't even think enough to BS anything. Great. I hate this class. The teacher talks so much, that you can't concentrate of your work, your test, your group work stuff. She interrupts the class way too much. And she doesn't explain things...I have no idea what's going on. And she turned a general Community Practice class into an Aboriginal study. Everything is Aboriginal this and Aboriginal that. And she gives up up to 6 reradings for a class...all Aboriginal things. And they are so boring!

Anyways, I have to go back to class now...boring :\, teacher interrupting, Aboriginal class that isn't really supposed to be about Aboriginals, the one that I'm going to fail.

Wed, Feb. 22nd, 2006, 02:53 pm

I can't wait until the Olympics are over. I am dreading the hockey crap that is coming up soon...finals or something? I have so much work to do, but I wanted to see him, so I came over. I was going to spend a little time on my homework and then hang out with him. I didn't get much work done, his computer is garbage. I didn't spend any time with him cause hockey is on. What a waste of my day. I could've gotten assignements done and I could've studied for my tests. A waste of a day. I hate hockey. A waste of my time to try and be with him today.

Sun, Feb. 19th, 2006, 12:20 pm

Love makes you fat. I hate that it's so true, for me at least. Starving takes a lot of self-hate. I'm too distracted with love and being happy to hate myself right now. I can't get fat, but I can't lose my love.

We just made lunch together. French toast with light cool-whip, strawberries. blueberries and an egg each. I don't know why I ate it all. I did it cause we were doing it together and it was fun. Too bad that fun equals fat.

I lost one pound though. Even with the chocolate and crap that I've been eating the last couple days. Maybe just water weight, but still...it was encouraging. I lost 5 and then got stuck, so 1 is better than nothing.

I really want to lose some weight by our anniversary, March 9th. I really want to lose a bunch of weight for our wedding, for our honeymoon. I won't be a fat wife. I don't want him to see what I look like now, under all my carefully planned clothing.

I just have to stop eating. Why do I make it so hard for myself? It's not that hard. I did it before, I did it well. Just stop eating, dammit! I can do this, I can. I can stop with this bulimia and go back to what I know is better. What I'm doing now just won't do, won't work.

Fri, Feb. 17th, 2006, 09:30 am

I lost my engegement ring the day after V-Day. I was so upset that I threw up. I lost it at work, no idea where it went. My boss helped us look, my mom came in to look, my coworkers looked, I looked. We've been looking for three days...I told Jon, he was okay, disappointed, but not mad. He said that it was just a material thing, that I am worth a million rings, and as long as I'm okay, everything's good. I love him, I cried for a long time until I felt a bit better, though I've felt sick this whole time still.

So this morning, 5:30 in the AM, the phone rings.....yay! My ring!

I'm so happy now. I don't even care that they woke me up at such an ungodly hour. I have my lovely ring back. I can't wait to tell Jon. I'm so relieved!

My mom is going to pick it up from my boss this afternoon. I wanted to get it right away, but the roads are so bad here....my mom was going out anyways.

Wed, Feb. 15th, 2006, 02:07 pm

So I was going to fast today, but my bloodsugars were too bad and I had to eat. I had 2 pieces of bread with margerine. Yuk. Then, just cause it was lunch and I was hungry, I ate a bunch more things.

Totals so far:

- 4 pieces of bread with a little margerine (2 before noon, 2 for lunch)
- a handful of steamed beans with a little garlic butter
- a small piece of Colby cheese
- 2 pickles
- a slice of strawberry shortcake

I feel sooo full right now. It would've been better if I hadn't had the cake. Oops.

Last night, I ran a couple's night at the nursing home. It was potluck. My sugars were really low, so I ate....and ate....and ate. I didn't eat so much that it was gross, but more than I should've. I at least could have skipped dessert. *groans*

I suck.

On another note...I love Jon so much. I can't wait until we are married. My dad gave me gift certificates for Tim Hortons and Starbucks so that me and Jon could go on dates more often. That was sweet.

Since we were both working on V-Day, we're celebrating on Friday. I think we will see or rent a movie and buy some pitas from my fav pita shop. He also wants to buy an ice cream cake, but I don't know that we have money for that. I hate being broke. I couldn't even buy him anything for V-Day. Our 1 year is coming up soon, but I'll be broke then too. Bummer.

Fri, Feb. 10th, 2006, 09:01 am

I got a new tooth yesterday. One of my teeth cracked in half, so they formed a new half and stuck it on. It hurts still. They also tightened my retainer, so my jaw hurts like crazy. Especially when I have hot or cold things, or if my food isn't soft enough. My throat os sore too.

It's hard to eat. Almost impossible from the pain. I'm not going to complain.

Jon tells me I need some self-confidence. Duh.

Today, my class is going snowshoeing, yay, calorie-burning time! I'm so tired though.

Today, so far:

Breakfast was 200 cals

Fri, Feb. 3rd, 2006, 12:24 pm

Jon is so sweet. He would probablly go to the end of the earth for me.

Tonight we are going to a dinner at our church; me, him, and Ava. The guys are cooking and serving the girls. lol. That's the way it should be!!

Sunday, me, my cousins, and Jon are going to the local bridal show. I was surprised that he wanted to come. Mostly he tells me that a wedding is mostly for the girl, so she should do what she wants, but I think secretly he wants to be involved. I try to ask for his opinion and things. It helps to have his opinion cause sometimes there are things that I'm not sure on and its easier for him to make the decision. It's nice too, because this is stressing me out and it's nice to have some help.

We haven't done much planning yet because we're not getting married until next fall. But, I need to make some decisions such as: are we having a dance or not, in a church or hall, small or big, casual or fancy, dinner or dessert reception, close family/friends or extended family as well??!! Lots of big decisions to make before you can even look at booking sites or people.

So far, we've come up with this:

- small wedding with parents/siblings, aunts/uncles/cousins, grandparents, a few friends (around 50 ppl)

- no dance, b/c neither of us dance or like to and it would offend my relatives

- wedding in a church, lunch reception at a nice resuraunt (Marche, probablly)

- morning wedding

- not a big reception, but we want a slideshow of the families and my aunt & 2 cousins to sing something

- semi-casual

- taking three days or so in a hotel after the wedding, maybe Niagara Falls or Ottawa

- do the honeymoon trip a couple months later, maybe Maui, Jamacia or somewhere in Europe

- my pup is going to be the ring barer, my brother or little cousin will walk him down the isle

- me and my mom are going to make our own invitations b/c we have over a year to work on them

- my dad has agreed to pay, but we haven't set a budget yet

- still have to talk to his parents to see what they will contribute; they tend to be cheap

- the Bridal Registery will be at HBC (the Bay, Home Outfitters, Zellers) and maybe Walmart

- I want navy blue towels. lol

- I want sleeves on my dress, I hate strapless things, I have fat arms

- we want to buy a house by then, but realistically....I have to warm him up to the idea of renting

- I want to lose a lot of weight by then!!

Stupid, long post, nobody will read it, but I just wanted to write it out, sort of like thinking out loud.


Wed, Feb. 1st, 2006, 07:59 pm

I still can't view my friend's page. I'm bored.

Sat, Jan. 28th, 2006, 07:04 am

For some reason, I can only get on to the "My LJ" page. I can't see my friends page, my joural, search, or anything else. I can't even respond to comments on my own journal. The internet screen comes up with one of those "page cannot be displayed" things. I hate that.

J felt so cold last night. And the night before (though he was sick, so I can't say much about that).

But he normally likes to cuddle but he felt a little distant. He cuddled a bit last night, and later in the evening he was playing with my hair like he normally does, but something was up. Normally when I gave him a kiss, he would respond, but he didn't. Maybe it's just in my head...I seem to be oversensitive and negative lately.

I've been kind of weird in the last while, moody, almost bipolar. Maybe he's just sick of it. Maybe I've pushed him too far. He's so patient, I've always wondered about the day when he'd have had it with me. I know his mom was in a really bad mood, and that usually puts him in a bad mood too, but I don't think that was it. I don't know, maybe it was.

I feel like a monster. I don't know who I am anymore. I can't control myself. I am totally unmotivated. I have so much homework to do and three tests next week. I have to work 8am to 7pm today and my tummy hurts. I have sores in my nose and sores in my mouth. I feel miserable.

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